Getting Started to Swing
How can you start to swing? Swinging and recreational
sex related information for couples.

Are you married or living with someone and thinking about "spice"  thinks up? Are you looking for no commitments recreational sex?  Because you are here, I guess you never done this before, and you do not know how to start? You don't know how to introduce your erotic, maybe kinky idea to your spouse. Please keep reading, this page might help you.

Most committed relationships have existed for some time (often for years) before some notion of swinging, recreational sex becomes a topic of conversation. Often it is thought about by one or both partners long before the subject is broached in conversation.

Sometimes shared reading materials, erotic art or videos lead to conversations about some form of recreational sex. Couples need to take advantage of such opportunities... and be totally candid with each other at those times. HONESTY...

The partner who is LEAST interested in venturing beyond regular sex should give the MOST ATTENTION to his/her need to have an open mind. It may be that this person has a lower sex drive than the other one... or lower at this particular point in their life. It may be that this person has medical problems which limit his/her capacity to pleasure their partner. It may be that this person has a lot of hang-up that are carry-overs from their upbringing or religious background. Simply poo-pooing swinging ideas is no way to assure a healthy spousal relationship. Talk about it. Enable each other to open up... to openly and honestly verbalize inner thoughts and wishes. But, most of all... DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL!

Sometimes it is a good idea for both (all) partners to read TRUE stories about what other adult men and women do in their exploration of swinging sex. To read is not necessarily a commitment to do! Then, discuss what you have read. Use the Internet to discretely discuss your concerns and questions with others... while remaining anonymous.

At some point, a loving adult couple should AT LEAST venture into some shared voyeurism or exhibitionism. Go together to some place of adult entertainment. Both could dress sexily/handsomely and go out to a bar, dance hall, lounge, etc. somewhere away from home. Dance with others. Enjoy the experience of seeing your spouse in the arms of another... or of seeing others relish the sexy appearance of your spouse.

Ladies... let a little flesh show! Wear a skirt or dress that is shorter than you normally would wear. Wear a low-cut blouse or sweater. Consider leaving that bra at home. You may even want to leave your panties at home... and not tell your spouse until you are out in public, and his imagination can run wild.

Men... take your spouse to places you haven't taken her before... a "meat-market" bar, an adult theatre, a topless beach, a strip club. Let her know you enjoy watching other guys ogle her lovely, sexy body. Encourage her to let other guys invite her to dance. Give her some space so other guys will step in and express their admiration of her charms.

Then... both (all) of you can go home and enjoy memories of your "crazy night out."

Or, openly (but discretely) engage in some sexual fondling where other adults may observe you. Whether or not you ever physically involve others in your sex life, this kind of shared fun can be a real sexual stimulator for both of you.

When you are out of town, spending a night in a hotel... leave the window shades open while you make love. Allow for the possibility that others MAY be watching (even if they aren't). It is a great way to put spirit back into your sexual sharing. When you do this, talk dirty to each other. Believe me... IT'S FUN!

Invite a masseur to your hotel room to give her a nude massage while he watches and/or participates... or a masseuse for a nude massage of him while she watches and/or participates. It doesn't have to end up having that extra person actually having sex with either of you... but it could. Either way, it can be a great turn-on to both (all) of you.

Adult Dating Video Ads

Check out the ads in the Personals section of your local newspaper and / or the Internet to learn about local swingers dances. Get dressed up sexy, and go to one. Going doesn't mean you intend to actually swap with anyone. Just enjoy the evening... watching the open sexuality of other adults who (you know) will probably end up spending time later that night in bed with someone other than their spouse. Just watching can be a real turn-on. Then again, you might just meet folks you want to get to know better.

Even if you don't want to swing, you might meet folks who are active swingers, and decide to spend some time with them at a lounge or restaurant... just getting to know them and asking about their lifestyle. This is still not a commitment to do anything in the swinging scene. You may end up just using the experience as fodder for a wilder sex life between the two of you.

Even if you end up going to an on-premise swing club, adult motel or similar adult facility... it doesn't mean either, both or all of you have to get involved in the sexual activity with others. All such facilities have a "NO means NO" policy to protect folks from over-aggressive swingers. I have met numerous couples who go to such places just for the visual and erotic stimulation, and then end up screwing each other, only each other... either at the facility or later back at home.

Real People for Real Sex! From your Neighbourhood!

TREATING YOUR SPOUSE TO THE GIFT ON AN EXTRA PARTNER

A couple which enjoys genuinely open communication on sexual matters may eventually agree that under the right circumstances, and with the right person one or both of the parties might be willing to try sex with another person outside the committed relationship. If the person expressing the "maybe" is the person who has been least interested in experiencing another person, that is the person who should experience an extra partner first.

When that happens, the other party should consider CREATING a right circumstance with a reasonably right extra person... as a gift to the other spouse. Often this will involve observing what and who turns that other party on. Is it a friend, a non-friend who is a person of a different race, or a younger or older person. Is he/she most turned-on to others while away from your hometown... at a dance... at the beach? Is it at home in front of the fireplace when a guest is visiting?

Once the right setting is determined, and a reasonably right extra person is present, the next thing you need to do is to make sure that clothing is minimized. That is why strip poker is so popular. But, there are numerous other games (such as Truth or Dare, etc.) and excuses for causing clothes to be shed.

At the beach, clothing is already minimized. To enable a massage, it is reasonable for clothing to be minimized or removed. Shared hot tub experiences often involve nudity or near-nudity.

Take the lead in providing your spouse with intimate touches, kisses, or strokes. Encourage your guest to follow your lead. Then let things progress as everyone's comfort level is observed. Somewhere along the way, let the extra him or her know that you welcome sharing your spouse's intimacy with them. Give them a reason to feel comfortable as things develop. Assure your spouse that you welcome watching him/her enjoy the attentions of your guest. As your spouse begins to relax with the situation, whisper into his/her ear that "tonight is a special gift for you to enjoy."


REINFORCE HIS/HER ENJOYMENT

Once things are underway, it is critically important that you repeatedly verbalize and demonstrate your approval. Cuddle or kiss your spouse as the guest is providing more intimate stimulation. Whisper words of love or encouragement to your spouse as he/she is getting turned-on by whatever the guest is doing to him/her.

If the encounter moves to intercourse with the guest; participate by holding, kissing and/or cuddling your spouse during and after the intimacy. Above all, make sure your spouse experiences orgasmic pleasure... even if you have to step in to complete what has been started. If it has been good for both of them, encourage all to cuddle and hug and rest together. If it has been less than good for your spouse, nudge the guest aside and make sure it is good for him/her.

Let there be a period of time after intimacy has concluded for the three of you to relax and talk. Maybe there will be another round of shared pleasure. Maybe there will be some open expressions of how things went by your guest, your spouse, or you. After the guest has left, demonstrate your passion for your spouse with lots of kisses, caressing, cuddling and intimacy.

If things went well, be sure that both you and your spouse have contact with the guest soon after the night of shared pleasure. Plan toward a second time for the three of you together. Don't let it be a one-night stand up... and don't push for your own extra partner at this point.

If things did not go well (and sometimes they don't), thank the guest, and plan on a (strictly-social) contact with that person in the near future just to give them a chance to review their thoughts away from the situation. AND, give your spouse extra loving and emotional support. Don't let a less-than-successful one-time event be allowed to set the expectation level of either you or your spouse. Plan to try it again soon (with someone else), while the best parts of a less-than-successful encounter are still prominent in each of your minds.

Assuming it was a pleasurable experience for both you and your spouse, re-live it over and over again during your shared one-on-one lovemaking. Plan a second and third "gift" for him/her, before ever pushing for an extra partner for yourself. Sometimes this last piece of advice is not necessary, but if there is a disparity in desire for variety (between spouses), it is wise to give the more hesitant spouse a few really good "extra partner" experiences before suggesting that turn about is fair play.

Finally, don't give your spouse the idea that overnight you want to change your entire lifestyle... that you want an extra person in your sex life every night. Make a pact that extra partner sex is the spice you can both add to your everyday shared sex life. Re-live the experiences as you cuddle at night... and agree to explore such new adventures on an occasional basis (depending upon the couple, that may end up quarterly, monthly or weekly). But, once you and your spouse have invited an extra person into your sex life once, don't let it stop there. Invite that person back, or (better yet) invite a new person next time.

SHARED SEX CAN RE-NEW RELATIONSHIPS

One couple often wrote to me before they made the intentional decision to try swinging. After their first few experiences, he wrote: "Our life together has never been better. There is so much we do together, sexually and emotionally, that it's like we are newlyweds again, as if we are sharing a second life together."

He went on, "I have enjoyed another woman, my first "other woman." It was thrilling and exciting, and gave me a window into (my wife's) desires." Later he treated his wife to an extra guy.

But, before that, they had an experience with another couple. After that experience the two of them had a fantastic night of sex together, reliving their new sexual adventure. Her note the next day, "WHAT A NIGHT!!! We had the best night of our marriage. It was more exciting than our first time, and more magical than any fantasy!!!"

She also went on to say, "Why I waited so long I'll never understand. Things are going along so splendidly. Our love-making is better than ever. My husband has been so tender and loving with me. Sometimes I yearn for it to be a little rough, but I'm not complaining. I intend to tell him that I want it different from time to time (our new openness), but for now, I just want him to love me any way he wants.

"I told him that last night was wonderful (the night of our first MFM threesome). I had never been more pleasured. But, that it wasn't the other guy I was thinking about. I only saw him as an extension of my husband.

"Everything that happened was centered around me. But, for me, all the sex, all the fucking, was my dear husband pleasuring me. I don't know if that makes sense. It does somehow to me. I want to be able to explain it better to my loving mate.

"We have new feelings to explore, to cultivate and to allow to grow. It's almost like meeting and courting anew. Can't really explain it. I've heard of people who have found higher levels to their relationships, but this is like he has met a new person, a new me, and he doesn't even know the heights we can go to together, nor do I yet."

The above article is copyrighted by the author. She welcomes your question or feedback.